THE NECESSITY OF SELF-CARE
It is easy to forget that self-care is the foundation upon which all other successful relationships and good things are built. If you ever hope to be successful in helping your friend or family member heal, self-care is an absolute necessity. Some people fall into a pattern of guilt and self-blame when they focus exclusively on themselves, but in the context of helping a loved one face addiction, it is exactly the opposite. By focusing on self-care and attending to your own needs, you will be better able to shoulder the extra burden that always accompanies helping someone struggling with addiction to find the help they need.
Maintaining a strong social support network, eating a healthy, nutritious diet, and getting sufficient exercise and sleep are all primary pillars of optimal self-care. Exploring recreational activities, hobbies, and developing a stronger sense of spirituality are also excellent ways to ensure self-love and care while giving you the mental, physical, and emotional tools needed to face the upcoming battle of helping your loved one face their addiction.
Naturally, one of the immediate consequences of self-care is arousing the jealousy or resentment of your addicted family member or friend. They may envy your time away or feel deeply insecure about the recent changes they are noticing. When this happens, honest communication is always the best solution. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), al-anon, and other valuable addiction support systems are all traditions based on rigorous honesty, and they encourage transparency—especially in close relationships. The following suggestions can help you broach the topic of self-care:
- Choose an appropriate time—although it may seem obvious, people are more receptive to hearing potentially upsetting information when they are well-rested and alert. Whether or not your partner has slept, recently eaten, or is naturally a morning or night person all influence how well-received your communication is. Also, never broach the topic of self-care while your loved one is intoxicated.
- Involve others—one particularly effective approach involves including your loved one’s friends or family members in a casual discussion—in the context of a recreational activity or leisure outing. The presence of a well-chosen third party can not only serve as a buffer, but also positively impact the tone and outcome of the discussion. In fact, some family members and loved ones of those struggling with addiction only experience positive results in the context of an open, inclusive setting with another family member, loved one or friend.
STOP ENABLING
There is an inexorable link between addictive behavior and enablement. In fact, the pathological behaviors associated with addiction depend upon enablement for their continued survival. Although friends and family members may incorrectly feel that they are being helpful by loaning money to an alcoholic or drug addict, bailing them out of jail, making excuses for their irresponsible behavior, or catering to their increasingly selfish demands, they are actually eroding the very foundation of sobriety—self-responsibility. For some individuals struggling with addiction, the dire necessity of seeking help becomes apparent only when they hit rock bottom, and the “kindness” of friends and family members suddenly vanishes. In such cases, the affected individual realizes the destructive impact of codependence and enablement on their condition and finds the inner willpower and motivation necessary to make a radical change.
EDUCATIONAL AND SUPPORT SERVICES
Fortunately, there is no shortage of help for those suffering from addiction in the 21st century. More public and private resource are available to help than ever before, and many free options and federally and/or state-funded alternatives exist. In the early stages of addiction, friends and family members of someone struggling with addiction frequently realize that their loved one is unwilling to seek professional treatment, at least at that time. In such cases, self-education becomes paramount, as does seeking the help of additional support services.
If you are not educated about the nature of your loved one’s addiction, the simple fact remains that there is only so much you can do to help. For example, addiction to cocaine or prescription opiates may follow an entirely different pattern than late stage-alcoholism. By educating yourself on the specifics related to your loved one’s drug, or drugs of choice, you will be much better equipped to help when the time comes. In the meantime, the following organizations provide effective, reliable support services to friends and family members of those suffering from addiction to popular substances:
- Adult Children of Alcoholics
- Al-Anon/Al-Alateen
- Nar-Anon
- Co-Anon
A wide range of 12-step support groups also exist for the family members and friends of those suffering from addiction, and many are listed in on-line or local directories connected to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or Narcotics Anonymous (NA). In the digital era, there are more web-based educational programs and opportunities than ever before, and almost any city or town will have a local network of addiction support services geared toward helping and, ultimately, empowering, family members and friends. No one can legitimately hide behind the outdated excuse of “I just can’t seem to find any help or support,” and there are an impressive variety of options available to anyone willing to take the right steps.
Addiction is a chronic, relapsing disease that benefits most from early intervention and professional treatment. If someone you love is struggling with addiction, call a substance abuse professional today. Treatment delayed is often treatment lost, and no one should have to live with the lifelong regret that accompanies failure to try and seek help for their loved one.
For more about addiction and recovery, check out these related articles:
- “How to Help an Addict”
- “What if the Intervention Fails?”
- “The Complete Guide to Drug and Alcohol Intervention”
- “What to Ask an Interventionist to Find the Best One for Your Situation”
Sources:
Academy of Medical-Surgical Nurses. Harm Reduction: Compassionate Care Of Persons With Addictions. Nov, 2013.
Addiction Science in Clinical Practice. Managing Addiction as a Chronic Condition. Dec, 2007.
Journal of Experimental Analysis of Behavior. Drug addiction. Is it a disease or is it based on choice? A review of Gene Heyman’s Addiction: A disorder of choice. Mar, 2011.
Journal of Health and Social Policy. The Impact of Substance Use Disorders of Families and Children: From Theory to Practice. July, 2013.
Addictive Behaviors Reports. Do addicts have free will? An empirical approach to a vexing question. June, 2017.
Related Articles :
Step-by-Step Guide to Connecting With Your Addicted Family Member
Drug Addiction Help for Family Members: 10 Support Tips that Work
Should Families Give Up on an Addict?
