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Beach House Recovery Center » Blog » How to Minimize Shame in Your Addiction and Recovery
It’s commonly a contributor to addiction and an enemy to recovery. Discover what it is and how to beat it:
The National Institute on Drug Abuse notes in its official advice on maintaining abstinence: “Addiction invariably produces feelings of shame and guilt … Individuals … may not feel worthy or deserving of recovery.” Often, they suffered from chronic shame before ever becoming addicted: feelings of worthlessness are a key factor in triggering many cases of substance abuse.
Where shame is reduced, people become more likely to seek help for addiction and more likely to respond to treatment. This article looks at ways to minimize shame in addiction and recovery.
While “I feel guilty” and “I’m ashamed of myself” are often used synonymously, psychologists recognize a difference between shame and guilt. Guilt says “I did something wrong.” Shame says, “I am inherently defective.” Since it’s easier to make amends for individual deeds than to overhaul one’s basic nature, people who feel shame have a harder time committing to change or convincing themselves it would even work.
If you see yourself as “weak,” “a failure,” “a born loser,” “selfish,” “bad” or anything similar, changing that self-image is a vital part of addiction recovery. Otherwise, even if you get clean from drugs, the shame will remain to increase your risk of relapse. It’s important to accept your limitations and weaknesses, but if you focus only on your weak spots, you learn to identify with them until it feels there is nothing else to you. And if this fault-ridden persona is the inherent “you,” what’s the use in trying to get rid of it—and what would you have left if you did?
Symptoms of a shame-based self-image that needs therapy:
Ironically, many people living shame-based lives are great achievers, driven by the misconception they have to be 100% flawless and complete, because the sole alternative is being a big zero.
For those with substance addiction, shame is compounded by having a problem that society treats as a fault. Though many genetic and neurobiological factors are involved in determining whether “casual” use becomes addiction, most outside observers see only that substances are imbibed by apparent voluntary action.
The good news is, the tendency to blame the addict has lessened in the 21st century: a 2006 Gallup Poll survey found that 75% of Americans who had family members with addiction agreed it was a disease and not simply a character defect. Nonetheless, about half the people who recognized addiction in their families admitted to still feeling “a sense of shame,” and society still leans toward expecting people to overcome addiction by personal willpower. Government researchers report that nearly 21 million Americans struggle with substance abuse (more than have cancer), yet only 10% are getting any treatment.
And even when addiction treatment is obtained, it’s not always shame-free. Patients who are arrested for drug offenses and involuntarily committed to overcrowded state-run programs run particular risk of being berated, threatened or expected to “tough out” withdrawal symptoms. Other patients, with limited funds and insurance, make treatment-center decisions based solely on “what they can afford,” without otherwise evaluating the quality of care.
Evaluate potential treatment programs with these questions:
Sacrilegious as it sounds, even organized 12 Steps programs can foster shame. There is, of course, nothing inherently shameful in admitting inability to cope without help, in being honest about one’s struggles or in making amends to persons one has wronged. In most cases, these approaches reduce shame by helping members understand they don’t have to be perfect and there’s always hope of making things better. However, a poorly managed program can do more harm than good if it lays too much emphasis on avoiding and correcting mistakes, without regard for members’ individual struggles.
So, to best nurture your recovery, choose a support group with an atmosphere that is encouraging, empathetic and kind. And suspend relationships with any acquaintances who feed your shame through emotional abuse. Associate with people who are optimistic and are supportive without being enablers.
Other hints for minimizing shame in addiction recovery:
Note to those who have loved ones in addiction or recovery:
If you feel an intervention is necessary, seek professional advice to keep the intervention free of personal accusations that could impose additional shame.
If your loved one is in recovery, be a fellow participant and be supportive in whatever ways the situation requires—and never make an issue of “what if someone outside the family finds out?” To truly minimize shame, it’s essential to accept the situation as is—and then work on improving it.
Sources:
NPR. “Shame, Guilt Pose Significant Hurdles for Those Recovering from Addiction.” All Things Considered, July 15, 2017. Accessed August 1, 2017.
Taughinbaugh, Cathy. “4 Life-Changing Ways to Release the Shame of Addiction.” CathyTaughinbaugh.com. Accessed August 1, 2017.
Whether you’re researching for yourself or a loved one, Beach House can help. We understand that this is a serious time in your life and that the treatment center you choose matters. We want you to feel comfortable and empowered to make the right decision for yourself, a friend, or a family member. This is why a counselor is waiting and available to answer your questions and help put your mind at ease regarding the next steps. Many of the staff at Beach House have walked in your shoes. If you feel you’re ready or want more information about how to help a loved one, we can help today. You can also learn why we are voted the #1 rehab for addiction treatment in Florida.
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