Finding a SponsorMicah Robbins
When you’re looking for a sponsor remember, they are a person, not “the one” and there is no perfect person on the planet. That being said, what’s important is the fit. So, what are some things to consider when you’re looking for a good fit?
Don’t worry; sponsors are way easier to find than a date, it’s no mystery where they hang out.
So first things first:
1. Go to meetings
You’ll feel better by the time you leave plus you’ll get to check out who raises their hand when the chairperson says, “anybody willing to be a sponsor please raise your hand.”
Bonus: If you go to a meeting regularly, you get to hear people share and you might even hear them tell their story or at least get a sense of who they are.
2. Follow your gut
If you feel drawn to somebody or if something they share sparks a curiosity or identification, introduce yourself after the meeting. You can have a conversation and get a better sense of someone before asking them to be your sponsor. You can even get their phone number and start calling them before you decide.
3. Do NOT look for a perfect person
They do NOT exist and if you’re looking for a god, your sponsor isn’t it. A sponsor is someone who can take you through the steps and support you in sobriety. They will have faults and struggles, just more practice getting through them without a drink.
4. You want what they have
This does not mean a Ferrari though there’s nothing wrong with wanting one. Your sponsor should have something that you admire or at least some quality or way of living that inspires you. This may mean an ability to laugh at themselves or a self-discipline or perseverance or calmness you aspire to. This may mean a full life which could include a partner, a business and/or a thriving social life. There are lots of things and ways of being to want and strive for in sobriety and your sponsor should encourage these possibilities in you by supporting you to achieve them and by modeling them themselves.
5. They have worked the steps and have a sponsor
Your sponsor is your guide through the twelve steps. If this was white water rafting, you wouldn’t want someone who’s never been down the river. Find a sponsor who has a working knowledge of the steps and has a sponsor who has taken them through the steps and who they are guided by on a regular basis.
Take the leap. Chances are you’ll have more than one sponsor along the way and if you don’t get started, you don’t get started. Go out there and pick someone who is a good fit for you just for today.