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Over millennia, alcohol has played a role in every group of our society. In America, that still holds true with more than 60% of American adults drinking at least four alcoholic drinks on a weekly basis. Despite the widely known ramifications of binge drinking and alcoholism, the consumption of alcohol remains an important facet of human society and interaction. This societal acceptance causes the lines between casual drinking and unsafe drinking to blur, making it all too easy for a social drinker to turn into an alcoholic.
Seeing a loved one, a coworker, or a friend with an alcohol use disorder can be extremely disheartening. You feel helpless watching their lives spiral as their jobs, relationships, and dreams crumble in the wake of their addiction. You might see them drowning in their habit and be left wondering what it is you can do to support them, to get them back on the right path, and whether that person will even want or accept the life buoy you throw their way.
If you find yourself at this tenuous crossroad, unsure how to act but terrified of the ramifications of inaction, it is essential that you know that you are not alone; most every adult has seen alcohol wreck the life of someone they care about. The alcoholic in your life needs to get help, they need to get clean, and in all likelihood, they will require your support to reach a place where these chains can be thrown off. While it has to be their decision to free themselves from their addiction, you can support them in their journey to sobriety. Below, we will discuss how to support an alcoholic friend or loved one during this difficult time.
As mentioned, it may be hard to distinguish a social drinker who binge drinks and a person who is an alcoholic. From an outside perspective, it can be difficult noticing the signs a loved one is an alcoholic unless they are showing obvious behaviors right in front of you. Medically diagnosed as AUD (alcohol use disorder), alcoholics who satisfy the DSM-5 criteria will have a pattern of alcohol consumption that leads to mental health or physical issues.
Alcohol use disorder can be categorized as mild, moderate, and severe. These diagnoses are determined by the presence of the various symptoms we will discuss below.
If you wish to know whether or not your loved one has AUD, ask yourself whether they satisfy any of the following questions:
Most people who suffer from alcoholism do not relish the fact, even those that deny it. Some are high-functioning, while others have issues that are far more apparent. Regardless, it is difficult for any person dealing with AUD to admit that they have a problem, especially to the people close to them. Because you are an outside observer and can more objectively witness the destruction it’s causing to the person you care about, if you wish to support them, it is essential that you do not enable their alcohol addiction with a codependent relationship.
Someone within a codependent relationship requires their loved one’s approval and sacrifices their own emotional needs to attain that approval. If you are in a codependent relationship with an alcoholic, you may be more scared of rocking the boat and upsetting them instead of forcing them to confront their issues. Signs of a codependent amorous relationship include:
If you are in a codependent relationship with an alcoholic, they can drag you down with them, rather than you buoying them up, causing both of you to sink mentally and physically. By making excuses or refusing to confront your partner, you allow the wound to fester and the problem to worsen. Although many such people fear that confrontation means ending the relationship, in truth, it involves finding outside help to understand your own issues and inadequacies, and learning ways to support and encourage your alcoholic partner to get help.
Supporting a person does not simply mean approving and encouraging all their actions. In fact, one of the best ways you can support them is by confronting them and helping them see just how unhealthy their drinking habits are.
Most alcoholics will require an intervention in order to spur them down the road to recovery. While some people realize on their own that they need help, most are too focused on their habit to clearly see the damage their disorder is causing them and their loved ones. If done correctly, an intervention can help change their lives for the better.
Because of the fundamental sensitivity underlying such a confrontation, interventions can be touchy issues that require a delicate hand. Often, the person being confronted can initially feel as if they are being attacked and will become defensive or angry. Because of this, it is critical that you thoroughly prepare and plan your intervention and stage it at a time when your loved one is not currently under the influence so that they can receive your message loud and clear.
It would be wise to consult with medical professionals or friends who have previously dealt with such issues. Research alcohol detox and treatment clinics such as Beach House Recovery, so if the intervention does go well, you have a plan for what to do next. After that, it is important to assemble your team of people who will be present at the intervention. Although it is not a requirement, it might be a good idea to hire an interventionist (a pastor or a trained medical professional) who can help guide the conversation and the intervention.
When choosing your group, keep it small and only with people who will help rather than exacerbate the problem. Your goal is not to start a fight, or dredge up old issues, rather, it is to support and encourage them to seek help. It is essential to keep the conversation as simple as possible and to focus on clear and recent negative events that arose from your loved one’s drinking. You want to avoid making them feel as if they are being attacked and instead focus on illustrating how their actions have negatively impacted you.
One of the most effective methods of conveying these problems is by confronting the alcoholic’s actions by stating “I” messages. These messages keep the focus on the feelings or thoughts of the speaker instead of blaming the person being confronted. They manage to keep the gist of the conversation positive while still highlighting the issues at hand.
Examples of “I” message would be something like:
Such methods are not meant to guilt trip the drinker, but to help them understand the destruction their drinking has caused and the path it could lead to. The goal is to guide them towards acknowledging they have a problem and need to get help.
If you want your intervention to be successful, keep in mind the following things:
o Maintain eye contact
o Lean in and lean forward
o Keep your arms and legs at your sides and do not cross them
o Keep your hands relaxed
For more tips on how to help an alcoholic friend, try asking for help from the professionals. Dealing with a friend who is addicted to alcohol is challenging and you don’t have to work on it alone. If you do convince your loved one to seek help, they will need your support more than ever. This process can be extremely uncomfortable and unsettling; they have to know that you will stand by them through alcohol detox and recovery. If they accept your help, do not wait, instead get the ball rolling as soon as possible. Help them prepare for this process and encourage them, even if they relapse.
Once rehab is over, the journey towards recovery can truly begin. You can support them by helping with the following things:
Because this battle can last a lifetime, it is crucial that you never give up on a person, especially when they are still in their early recovery process or going through their drug detox. While this may be taxing and emotionally draining, your support can make all the difference in the world. So, if someone you love is an alcoholic, do not wait around for something bad to happen; instead, chart a course of action and step in boldly in order to save them from themselves. To learn more about our inpatient alcohol rehab program, please call our addiction treatment center today.
