Menu
Read the latest and greatest from our team
of incredible specialists.
Addiction is not a one-person problem. It’s a family problem—and not just because its side effects cause trouble for everybody. Often, the addiction is only the most obvious of many issues rooted in unhealthy family relationships.
The Center for Excellence in Aging and Community Wellness, of the University at Albany, lists symptoms of an “unhealthy family” that can manifest as:
A family situation where the above are major factors is more likely to be a route to relapse than a source of support, especially if someone else holds the power position and has no intention of giving it up. In such cases, the recovering addict may have little choice but to find an alternate living situation.
Family medical issues besides the addict’s can also affect success in recovery. If anyone has a physical or mental illness, that puts extra stress on the whole household—and may also require keeping medications that could prove tempting to the recovering addict. It’s also possible that another family member has untreated substance abuse issues (if anyone has been joining the addict in drug use to “keep him out of trouble,” look out), and may even assume the vacated “family role” of “addict.”
Whatever the dynamics, most households operate under a “role” system. Family members see themselves (and are seen by the others) as being there to “play” such parts as:
The more rigid and performance-based these roles, the likelier the family is to be emotionally unhealthy. And, the less willing the rest of the family proves in acknowledging and remedying their contributions to the problem, the more likely it is that the addict will be maneuvered back into the old habit—however much everyone may consciously despise the situation.
Truthfully, family roles can be addictive in themselves: if nothing else, they offer comfort zones with no unaccustomed effort required. Al-Anon notes that “We can become as addicted to the alcoholic, as the alcoholic is to alcohol.” If the alcoholic gives up drinking, every comfort zone is violated:
In the course of an addict’s recovery, most families come to see that their “normal” was really a very toxic situation for everyone. Even when all direct substance-abuse influences come from outside, vulnerability is frequently abetted by the family’s stress-inducing expectations or lack of open communication. With counseling and determination, you can make the family healthier—but can you then rest complacently in your new life?
It’s well known that few drug addictions are “curable” in the sense of completely eliminating vulnerability to cravings. What’s less often considered is that the same principle applies to virtually every habit. One woman wept after her twenty-year marriage ended, “He couldn’t take my critical attitude any longer. Ten years ago I realized what I was doing and managed to change my daily talk from negative to positive. But after all seemed well, I let myself get overconfident that the problem was solved for good—and old habits slowly came back and took over.”
Don’t abandon your support group and regular self-examinations because “everything’s okay now.” Your recovering family member—and the rest of you—will benefit best from lasting practice of family wellness.
Whether you’re researching for yourself or a loved one, Beach House can help. We understand that this is a serious time in your life and that the treatment center you choose matters. We want you to feel comfortable and empowered to make the right decision for yourself, a friend, or a family member. This is why a counselor is waiting and available to answer your questions and help put your mind at ease regarding the next steps. Many of the staff at Beach House have walked in your shoes. If you feel you’re ready or want more information about how to help a loved one, we can help today. You can also learn why we are voted the #1 rehab for addiction treatment in Florida.
