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An active support network, comprising both formal support groups and informal friendships, can make the difference between relapse and long-term recovery. But as with any tool or program, a support network will do you little good unless you use it.
To get the most from sobriety support:
Depending on the group you choose, your stage of recovery, your other commitments and your transportation options, that schedule may be three times a week or twice a month. But never let more than a month pass between meetings, even if you’ve been sober for years. If nothing else, there are other members, newer to sobriety, who could use the benefit of your experience.
Besides offering help and encouragement to fellow support-group members, consider volunteering for group leadership or a special event. And in home, work and social settings, do your fair share and a bit extra:
Becoming a regular giver will not only help counter addiction-related habits, it’ll make your life more fulfilling overall.
Many people who develop addictions are perfectionistic and a little too eager to do everything, not trusting anyone else to get it right, or fearful of displeasing others with a “no.” Taking too much on yourself is needlessly stressful (always a danger zone in recovery) and also deprives others of the joys of giving and learning. You were smart enough to accept help in sobering up and making plans for your future. Be smart enough to accept help in making that future a success.
And manage your social life and support-group attendance accordingly. Introverts in particular are prone to feeling guilty about their “antisocial” inclinations and forcing themselves to attend bigger or more frequent gatherings than they’d like. That means unnecessary stress, which, for someone recovering from addiction, could mean relapse. If you’re a natural social butterfly, great! If you prefer going out twice a week and sticking to small gatherings, do it your way with a clear conscience.
“Introverted” isn’t necessarily synonymous with “organized,” nor do all extroverts prefer spontaneous invitations. You’re probably a “planner” if:
“Planners” are naturals for regular attendance at support-group meetings: social life may present more challenges. Join a club or sign up for volunteer work. Have at least one ongoing “date” (dinner every Friday night, Saturdays at the spa) with a loved one or peer group.
You’re probably the spontaneous type if:
You’re likely better than your planning-oriented peers at calling for emergency support, but worse at keeping up regular support-group attendance. Get a fellow group member to hold you accountable. In your social life, let everyone know that when you say “drop by anytime” you mean it as more than a polite cliché. Don’t, however, drop in unannounced yourself, unless you’re sure the other party is also a spontaneous type.
Everyone knows you’ve been through a lot and have a lot to deal with yet, but even the most understanding peers don’t want to be treated as sounding boards without separate lives of their own. Practice hearing people out, being empathetic and staying interested in what interests others. And remember to rejoice in others’ triumphs as well as offering sympathy for their troubles.
Hopefully, everyone in your support network knows to avoid gripe sessions: since discouragement is a major factor in most addictions, acquaintances who live in growl-and-grumble clouds can be almost as hazardous to your recovery as people who urge you to have “just one” drink. Don’t be a Debbie Downer yourself, either. Make a point of finding things to be thankful for. Things such as your support network!
