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Beach House Recovery Center » Blog » 10 Tips for Helping Your Peers in Sobriety Support
Most people in addiction recovery agree that it takes a team to keep a person sober. Having someone (or several someones) to be accountable to means that:
Of course, these benefits should accrue to everyone in your sobriety support group. And by joining that group, you implicitly promise to help spread those benefits. Here are some ideas on how to do that effectively.
A few group rules are near-universal:
Depending on your individual group and its support philosophy, you may also be required to:
Follow your own group’s rules scrupulously: they’re there to keep the support network effective. If you disagree with any rules, talk to leadership, find another group (or don’t join in the first place), but don’t impede the progress of other members by rebelling or sulking.
Besides following the group rules, this means keeping your promises (from making this week’s coffee to being there when a fellow member calls). It also includes keeping up regular meeting attendance and pitching in to help as needed.
This doesn’t stop at not interrupting: sitting quietly with your mind a hundred miles away is not being a good listener. When someone is speaking to the group, pay close enough attention to retain their key points. If talking to someone one-on-one, don’t hesitate to repeat back what they’ve said in your own words: everyone likes to feel they’ve been heard and understood.
The absolute worst thing you can do in response to someone’s confession of struggling with a relapse trigger is say anything that sounds remotely like, “What’s wrong with you? There’s nothing tempting about that.” Everyone tends to think that what’s easy for them should be easy for everyone: but you, too, have weak spots in areas that are insignificant to your peers. And people with addiction disorders are particularly sensitive to any implications of “You’re a weakling.”
If group rules allow for sharing ideas and advice, do so tactfully. Don’t be the know-it-all who’s always telling others what’s best for them: that attitude annoys others to the point they can’t tell good advice from bad. Besides, getting cocky is likely to lead you into the fall that comes in the wake of pride.
Part of a support group’s purpose is to sympathize with others’ struggles: but if everyone starts openly agreeing that everything always goes wrong or everything’s hopeless, that’s feeding “might as well return to chemical comfort” temptations. Avoid starting “poor me” conversations yourself, and if anyone else heads in that direction, ask them to share some of their blessings or recent successes.
Besides providing a path away from “hopeless” thinking when it threatens, focusing on the good in life will keep your group away from the pity-party route to begin with. Try to share at least three good things for every struggle (and be openly thankful every time you successfully resist temptation, rather than complaining about its existence).
Don’t nag introverted group members to share more. Don’t show annoyance if someone radiates more energy than you’re comfortable with. Everyone has their own natural personality traits, and the best sobriety path always includes working with these traits.
Celebrations don’t have to be limited to sobriety anniversaries, or even to things directly associated with sobriety. Share your successes (and ask about others’ successes) in everything from getting Master Gardener certification to completing a GED. Effective sobriety isn’t just about what you don’t do: it’s about becoming the well-rounded unique individual you were created to be.
Once you’ve been with a group for a while, consider volunteering to:
A major element of long-term success in sobriety (and life) is giving back some of what you’ve received. Get active in helping others, and you’ll soon find you’re helping yourself (and being helped by those you’re helping) in more ways than you imagined!
Whether you’re researching for yourself or a loved one, Beach House can help. We understand that this is a serious time in your life and that the treatment center you choose matters. We want you to feel comfortable and empowered to make the right decision for yourself, a friend, or a family member. This is why a counselor is waiting and available to answer your questions and help put your mind at ease regarding the next steps. Many of the staff at Beach House have walked in your shoes. If you feel you’re ready or want more information about how to help a loved one, we can help today. You can also learn why we are voted the #1 rehab for addiction treatment in Florida.
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